Boredom Kicks In
I've eaten the same thing for breakfast and lunch every day for the last 6 days. Dinners have had slightly more variety. Boring? Maybe. Bad? No.
The thing about not getting to have what you want when you want it for days on end, is that initially, I might get frustrated and depressed about it. But then I just relax and get used to it. I'm getting used to that uncomfortable feeling of being hungry and wanting toast. I still don't like it, though. I get used to having a chocolate craving and just dealing with it. I get used to feeling a little sleepy and not self-medicating with caffeine. I just have to sit with whatever feeling I have and not change it.
I was listening to a dharma talk by Robert Beatty, who is the dharma teacher at the center we are part of in Portland. In it, he was addressing this. We feel things that we don't want to feel (hungry, tired, depressed, angry). Sometimes we are with people we don't want to be with (the list is endless). Sometimes terrible things happen in our lives. We spend a lot of time trying to get rid of these uncomfortable, undesirable feelings. We grab a snack, we stop for a coffee, we watch TV, we get stoned. He talked about how in meditation we 'fast' from our usual activities and usual reactions to life.
That's one of greatest benefits about doing a detox... for me. Yes, it's good for my liver and my blood sugar. Yes, my cholesterol levels will improve. Yes, I will lose some body fat. But what I benefit most from is fasting from using food and drink to quench difficult feelings, and doing it mindlessly. At the end of 3 weeks, I feel more intimate with the physical feeling of emptiness... and with a more spiritual feeling of emptiness too. It's all part of the same package. I feel like I gain some mental focus and am more gentle with myself when I'm feeling some of the un-ease of the unwanted feelings.
So for breakfast, I have oatmeal with cinnamon, apple and flax seeds with a little cream and nothing to sweeten it (I'm probably the only person who includes organic cream on a detox). I had some of my favorite vegetable soup for lunch along with some rice, eggs and greens. It's a good lunch! We have such an abundance of delicious, healthy food! It's crazy to think of this detox diet as anything but one of decadence. But it takes going a step further to remind me of that.